Wake-up Calls

Sometimes life hits you hard, when you aren't looking. These are the moments that leave me wanting to blog, feeling numb or just plain confused. I don't always like these moments but I think they are necessary to keep us human and in the now. My younger daughter said some things to me other the weekend that made me question my every being, if I was a good mom, what I was doing with my life.. Yes profound that a 5 year old can bring me to my knees. She has no idea the power of her words.

Here I am 3 days later still pondering life. How does anyone know what they are doing, if they are doing it right, if they are truly happy being themselves. Some days I feel like I have no identity. My identity is a compliation of many other peoples ideas, thoughts, requests, likes to the point that I have no idea what I like. I see something someone else is doing and think oh, that's cool or ah, I like that maybe I should try it. It's as silly as hair color. I cannot decide on my own the hair color I like or want. I thought I liked myself as a blonde then I allowed other peoples opinions sway me to go brunette now here I am red wanting even more of a change. I don't know what it is about changes. Some of them I love, even create just to have a change. Other changes I run from, like moving 14 times in 7 years. Yes, 14 now. Pretty soon I'll stop counting. 

Soul searching isn't easy. You face yourself the good and bad which isn't any easy thing for me to do. I feel like I need to spend more time with myself and just myself thinking about what life really is about. 

For now.. 

~wife